


The Only One He Couldn't Be Scared Of

by RobinPlaysTrumpet15



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Gen, do not copy to another site
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-04
Updated: 2019-04-04
Packaged: 2020-01-04 13:04:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,959
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18344255
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RobinPlaysTrumpet15/pseuds/RobinPlaysTrumpet15
Summary: The day it happened, Klaus didn't realize anything was off at first.Please, please,pleaseread the tags before you read this story.





	The Only One He Couldn't Be Scared Of

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING: This story talks about suicide and drug use. Please be aware of that. If you are uncomfortable with either of these things, or if they are triggers for you, please do not read this story. Please and Thank you.

The day that it happened, Klaus didn’t realize anything was off at first. Mom hadn’t come into their rooms to wake them up for years. She only knocked on their doors and called to them. They were all expected to be up and get themselves dressed and down to breakfast on their own.

Klaus had left his own bedroom as fashionably late as he always had, after Mom had knocked on his door for a second time. And just as he closed the door behind him, Ben appeared at his side. He smiled over at his brother, thinking about how quickly he might be able to get done with breakfast that morning so he could rummage around for the stash of pills he’d hidden. Hopefully Mom or Pogo hadn’t found them again.

Klaus swaggered his way to the kitchen with Ben just a step behind him.

Everyone else was already sitting and eating at the table. Mom smiled at them.

“Good morning,” she greeted. They took their seats and Klaus started eating. It was Saturday. The only day they got to have anything that wasn’t oatmeal. That morning it was pancakes.

Klaus was sure to stuff the pancakes into his mouth about as quickly as he could without Mom telling him to slow down. She offered him seconds, but he didn’t take her up on it. He just stood and kissed her on the cheek on his way back out of the room, vaguely aware of Ben close on his heels.

“Oh, Klaus!” Mom called after him. He paused on the stairs and turned around to face her. She smiled at him again. “Could you send Ben down when you see him, dear?”

Klaus just gave her a confused look, turning his gaze to his side where Ben was. Except… Ben wasn’t there anymore. He looked around suddenly for his brother, spinning in a circle on the step he was perched on.

“Uh…” he hummed out loud, suddenly rather lost. “Yeah, I will.”

“Thank you, dear. Good luck with your studies today.”

With that, she turned back around and went back into the kitchen. Klaus couldn’t help but stare after her for a few seconds, frowning in bewildered confusion.

Ben had just been right next to him, right? He’d followed Klaus down to breakfast and eaten and everything? Okay, well, maybe he hadn’t eaten, but sometimes Ben just wasn’t all that hungry. It happened. Their father always said that Ben should eat all the time regardless because of the Eldritch monsters somewhere below his skin, but in this one thing, he hardly ever listened. Especially in that last few months.

But he really had been there… or Klaus had thought he had been.

Klaus shook his head briefly before turning and finishing his trek back to his room.

Ben’s door was still closed when he passed.

He knocked, rapping his knuckles against the hardwood.

“Ben! Mom says you need to come down to breakfast already! You’re late!”

He didn’t bother waiting for a response before letting himself into his own bedroom nextdoor.

Individual study time came at nine thirty on the dot. Saturday mornings were reserved for Extracurricular Study. Klaus could hear Vanya down the hall just beginning to play her violin. A different source of music started up further away, surely Allison refining her dance moves. Whatever it was Diego did on Saturday mornings was always very quiet, and usually in some other room on the other side of the house. Ben would be reading, probably. Or writing like he did sometimes. Luther… well, Luther was probably playing some sport or another in the courtyard.

And Klaus. Well… Klaus had a drug stash to find.

He never had been a very studious person anyhow.

Finally, he lifted himself from where he’d fallen onto his mattress and went to start searching, seeing a plush, unicorn shaped pencil case in his mind. Except he was momentarily delayed by the highly unmanly screech that left his mouth a second later, prompted by Ben’s sudden appearance in the corner.

“Jesus, Ben!” he exclaimed, angry. “Knock before you come in, why don’t you!”

Ben didn’t react, didn’t even look at Klaus. He just sat in his corner with his hood pulled up and his head bowed just a little bit. The all black of his clothes lent to the shadows obscuring his face.

“Uh, Ben? Hello?” No response. Klaus shrugged near violently to himself. “Whatever, Benny boy. I’m off to keep the ghosts away. Stay if you like but-”

“Don’t.”

Klaus paused, mid-step towards the door. “Excuse?”

“Don’t do it.”

“Ah! Yes!” Klaus exclaimed to himself, clicking his tongue and snapping his fingers through the air. “I remember now. The usual lecture.”

Ben’s head tilted in his direction ever so slightly, but he didn’t say anything.

“Well, you can save it because it’s not going to work.”

He left his brother sitting there, hoping just a little that he’d be gone by the time Klaus was back.

*

Ben must have decided to leave.

Unfortunately, it took Klaus most of their Extracurricular Study time to search for his stash and inevitably realize it must have been found and flushed or thrown out. Great. That meant he got to deal with physical training on this lovely Saturday afternoon pretty much sober.

Of course.

But he did at least have about fifteen minutes to lay down with a book and pretend to read it just in case someone checked on him.

Eventually, ten thirty rolled around and they were called outside to train together in hand-to-hand combat. They were all completely competent (when they wanted to be, of course), but Luther excelled especially with Diego close behind him. Allison did what she could to keep up and often rumored them into pulling their punches.

Klaus, however, got to experience the full brunt of their hits.

Ben was late to join them, which their father was not pleased about. So unhappy was he that when Ben did finally join them, he continued to act like he wasn’t there. As if he couldn’t see him at all.

Klaus figured that there would be some serious punishment awaiting Ben in his future for their father to be so mad as to keep him out of combat training.

It was only eleven, still an hour to go in this block, when they all stopped cold in their tracks. Diego paused with a knife nearly against Klaus’ throat, jumping away to stare up at the house. Someone, somewhere inside was screaming bloody murder.

And outside in the damp courtyard, the only person who looked completely unaffected was Ben. A feat that they rarely saw. Ben was often the most jumpy out of all of them (save, pern haps, for Klaus when he was sober).

“Dad, what’s that?” Luther asked, his tone almost too casual.

And for once, Sir Reginald Hargreeves, the bane of their existences, did not scold them for their lapse in training. He left first, striding towards the door with long, hurried steps. Klaus shared a look with his brothers and sister before they were all rushing to follow him.

The scream had stopped, but the source of it found them first.

Vanya.

She had tears in his eyes and on her cheeks, her lower lip was quivering hard along with the rest of her. She was shaking like a leaf and nearly collided with their father as she ran towards them.

“Number Seven! What is the meaning of this?” Dad demanded almost not unkindly.

Vanya stuttered as she tried to get the words out, tears streaming like rivers down her cheeks and nose. “H-h-he’s- It’s- B-Ben is-s…”

Klaus turned a critical eye to his left, surveying Ben’s dark form a few feet away.

“Number Seven, get ahold of yourself.”

But she just whined, high pitched and grief-stricken.

Their father let her stumble away from him, pointing in the direction she’d come. Their bedrooms. The others were off again, following her direction, but Klaus paused. Vanya tripped over her own feet, a hand over her mouth and a choked sound escaping from her. Klaus caught her as gently as he could, lowering them both to the floor.

“Vanya…” he mumbled to her. “Vanya, what’s wrong? What happened?”

His sister shook her head, the fingers of her free hand clutching at the sleeve of his sport coat.

“Vanya, please. What happened to Ben?”

“He’s… He’s gone,” she managed. She sounded like the short sentence taken every ounce of breath left in her lungs and as soon as the words were out, they were followed by another hard sob. She collapsed into his chest, crying uncontrollably.

“Gone?” he whispered to himself, looking to Ben for an answer. No… no, Ben wasn’t gone. Ben was right there. Right here. With them, right now. “Vanya, Ben’s not gone… he’s- he’s right there.”

She was looking around, searching for their brother, her brown eyes passing right over him again and again like-

Like she couldn’t see him.

No…

“Oh… god, god no,” Klaus muttered, extricating himself from Vanya’s grip. She slumped forward to the floor, still crying, her fingers clutching at nothing but the carpet. Klaus couldn’t find it in him to feel bad.

He only took a few steps, suddenly hearing a lot more commotion from his intended destination. Gasps and cries and the tell-tale sounds of tears.

No no no. Please no.

He stopped outside the room, finding his path blocked by Luther, Diego, and Allison. Klaus spared only a quick, cursory glance back at Ben, who looked more aware of his surroundings than he had all day. Then he was pushing past his siblings and shoving himself into Ben’s room, greeted by the sight of his father’s, Mom’s, and Pogo’s backs. They were blocking something.

“Mom?” Klaus said.

She turned around, having clearly been crying her artificial tears. Klaus hadn’t thought dear old Dad had built her with the ability to cry. But even through her tears and the way she seemed so, so human with the grief in his eyes, she smiled at him.

“Klaus, come now. Back to your brothers and sisters,” she tried to herd him away gently, but as she moved, he saw what they were hiding.

Ben, on his bed sprawled out and looking like he’d fallen there on accident. He seemed pale and stiff, his face relaxed almost as if he was asleep. He was wearing the same black jeans and black hoodie and black jacket that Klaus had seen him in all day. In his hand was a little kid’s stuffed animal shaped pencil case. The one Klaus had been looking for... Except- no, this wasn’t- it wasn’t possible. Ben’s behind him, right? He’s standing there with his hood up and he hasn’t said a word since earlier this morning.

Klaus turned, trying very hard to keep his breath even and controlled.

And there was Ben, standing in the corner, his hood up and dark eyes glaring out from beneath it at Klaus.

“No…” Klaus stumbled towards him, reaching out with one hand. Ben glanced downwards, then back up at Klaus, raising his hand just a little. Klaus’ chest was tight and his heart was absolutely racing. His throat was burning and there might have been tears in his eyes. But his vision always was a little fuzzy when he was freaking out, after all.

Just another inch of space, just one inch, closing, closing, closing and-

Ben’s hand went all blue and see-through as Klaus’ passed through it.

“No no no,” Klaus sobbed, feeling moisture fall from his eyelashes. “No, please no-”

“Klaus?”

“Number Four!”

Suddenly he couldn’t get any air in his lungs, heaving in lungfuls but still not finding enough to actually breathe. Everything was on fire. Absolute fire. He took another step towards Ben, whose eyes held an almost tangible sort of sadness. He stumbled and tripped and then fell hard to his knees at Ben’s feet.

“No, no, no… This can’t be happening. This can’t be happening…”

*

Klaus couldn’t remember full on sobbing into the corner of Ben’s room, where the ghost of his brother just stared down at him with a regretful expression. He couldn’t remember exactly when anyone else figured out what was going on. He couldn’t remember Luther being ordered to pick him up and get him out of the room. He couldn’t remember Luther treating him softly for the first time in maybe forever or how he cradled him as he carried Klaus back to his own room. He didn’t remember his head hitting the pillow or how he laid there and sobbed, his own distress pulling at all the ghosts that never wanted to stay away.

They screamed at him until he passed out and continued even after that.

The world was getting dark when he next opened his eyes, finding the room and his mind strangely quiet, lacking in the desperate pleas and cries of the dead. He shifted, looking around the room blearily, feeling the post-crying tight stretch of his skin and wishing his pillow wasn’t still a little damp.

When he sat up and let his head clear itself a little more, Klaus finally noticed him. Sitting on the floor, back against a corner.

Ben.

God… what are you supposed to say to your dead brother? What should come first? What happened? Why did you do it? How? When? Just… _why?_

None of those were what Klaus went with. His mouth decided for him.

“If you’re dead, why are you still here?”

And- how awful is that? There were strong implications that his brother either OD’d on accident or- and Klaus was just asking why he was still here? Who does that?

Ben looked straight at him, a very not-Ben look on his face.

“I don’t know,” he snapped back. “Why don’t you tell me?”

And strangely, Klaus felt a little attacked. “Exsqueeze me? I’m not keeping you here.”

“I know it’s not me, shit for brains! I actively chose not to be here anymore-”

Suddenly Ben shut up about as fast as Allison and Luther jump away from each other when they think they’ve been caught.

A sharp ache clenched around Klaus’ chest.

“Did you…?”

Ben’s gaze averted to the floor, away from Klaus. He drew his knees in tighter against his chest and held them there protectively.

Oh.

“So it’s true…” Klaus mused to himself, sounding nothing like how he felt. He felt a little like his entire world was falling apart. But he sounded for all the world like this information didn’t affect him at all. Lots of practice, he supposed.

Ben seemed to swallow past a lump in his throat. “It’s better this way…”

“Is it?” Klaus questioned quietly, reverently.

Ben’s mouth opened and a word was half out when he faltered. Then he didn’t say anything.

And then, suddenly, the silence seemed like it had dragged on way too long, and Klaus’ mouth was speaking without his brain’s permission again.

“Let me help you.”

His brother shook his head silently at that, looking anywhere but Klaus.

“Why not?” Klaus asked, his voice louder now.

“Don’t make this harder than it already is.” Ben’s tone was harsh and biting, his voice choked up and strained.

“Harder for who? You? Or everyone you left here?”

No answer.

“Come on, answer.”

A shake of his head again.

“Huh? What was that? I didn’t hear you.”

Nothing.

“Come on, Ben! Tell me,” Klaus demanded. “Who is this supposed to be harder on?!”

“I didn’t mean to!” Ben yelled suddenly.

Time froze. Or it felt like it. Klaus couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t move. He could only watch, watch as the ghost of his brother cried, curled up in the corner, as if Klaus hadn’t just seen him laughing and teasing and joking with them all just yesterday.

“I didn’t mean to,” he repeated. “I… I wanted to but- but I didn’t mean to actually d-do it.”

The burning in his throat was back.

“I’m sorry,” Ben whimpered.

And god, Klaus has never wanted to touch a ghost before now, but he really, really wished he could hold Ben in that moment. Wished he could slide across the floor and pull him into his arms and just hold him there for awhile and promise him that everything was going to be okay.

But that wasn’t how this worked…

“I don’t want to lose you.” The confession was whispered under Ben’s breath, almost too low, too quiet, for Klaus to hear.

And what else is he supposed to say?

“I don’t want to lose you, too.”

They sit in relative silence for quite some time, just the sounds of Ben’s sniffles and Klaus’ grunted fight against all the aches and pains in his body.

But eventually, they both seem to settle. And Klaus doesn’t hurt any less, but at least Ben has stopped crying. So that’s something.

And just because he can, Klaus whispers, “Stay with me. I won’t lose you.”

Because of course, Klaus would be faced with a ghost he knows. A ghost he loves. The ghost of his brother who was a little quiet, never one to want to fight, wanted to be left alone with his books. He used to build pillow and blanket forts just to leave them up for Vanya to make her feel better. He helped her make peanut butter and marshmallow sandwiches for Five when they were younger.

Of course the world was cruel enough to face Klaus with the ghost of one of the only people he’d never be scared of, and never want to see die.

Ben just looks up at him with a sad, teary sort of half smile and nods.

“Okay.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading. Please let me know what you thought. If you saw anything else in this story that is not already tagged that you think should be, please let me know. I don't want people going into this story unprepared. Thanks!


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